Sunday, 21 December 2003

if I could be who you wanted all the time.

Drive...stop. Go to work. Sign out. Then drive some more. Go home. Get up, and drive.

This has been my reality for the last month. I took up a job at O2 since late October in an effort to become less reliant on parental support and pay back some of the ever-increasing student debt. But, being a cog in the telecoms machine doesn't come without drawbacks, as I have been finding out. Travel expenses incurred are not reimbursed, so rather than spend the entire Christmas period alone in Leeds in a cold house with no company whatsoever, I have been driving 450 miles up and down the M1 every weekend for work. It is hugely annoying that I am blowing out £50 of my £105 weekly wage on petrol alone, but that is life. As a temp worker, I dare not complain for fear of redundancy. Besides which, there are certainly worse jobs, and the money is very good considering.

Loneliness took over one weekend. I moved my keyboard into the lounge, poured myself a big glass of red wine and played freely for a couple of hours, immersing myself into... what? The dark bottomless void of realising that this academic year has been a complete waste of time, that people can be entirely different to who you thought they were, and the importance of family and friends in such times. Another weekend I invited Abhi (a guy at O2) over purely for company. We made Indian food and some marinades in the kitchen, and settled in the lounge to watch a few films. It was so cold that I woke up at 5 something in the morning, shivering and goosebumpy.

I'm not going to pretend this year will be easy. This is one of the toughest challenges I have faced away from home.

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