Yeah I know, nobody likes a moaner. This does include the girl my landlord Ed has brought home, they’re fucking in the next room and she’s SO LOUD I can’t hear myself think straight. But to be exact, it’s probably that I’m not getting any and he is that’s pissing me off more than her noises. It’s almost like I’ve stepped into a time machine and gone back 8 years to the start of uni. A few more spaghetti stains on the walls, discarded condoms on the floors and the picture would be completed.
Ultimately my patience with my own ethics/morals etc. is being sorely tested. There’s no point in having standards if you can’t have any fun in life. So where does one draw the line before you descend into a hedonistic free-for-all? I honestly think I must’ve stepped in something last week though, because
1. this cute blonde girl eyed me up in the Harrow, an interesting development I foolishly squandered by ignoring her and her equally fine friend (although in fairness my sister was for some inexplicable reason at the next table over, so there could’ve been social repercussions if it’d fallen flat on its face)
2. the girl in the downstairs room, Laura, asked me out Saturday night, and was at pains to point out she would be going out with her girl mates (?)
3. I started chatting up a cute teen girl on Facebook called Becks. Holy fucking shit, that makes me sound awful doesn’t it? Well she’s 19, before you all get on your moral high horses. (Not that I really care about that, everyone seems to pretend to have morals these days and then pisses them up the wall at a convenient time in the future) She also has a 2 year old kid called Buster (yeah, I know right, too much daytime TV and cartoons) so in actual fact I would be doing the narrow-minded feckless teen ‘lads’ of Croydon a service by daring to lay fingers on someone they would easily pass over because she’s squirted a kid out. She was supposed to be coming over to mine today for a few drinks, films, cosying up etc. but my sneaking suspicions were confirmed when she didn’t show up.
It has now been nearly 4 years since I last had sex, so to anyone reading this who feels even slightly self-pitying or on edge because they’ve not gotten any for a couple months, I say a big, loud resounding FUCK OFF. There’s always someone worse off than you, in my case someone who is probably a Catholic nun or monk opting for a life of celibacy…not that it makes me feel any better. I’m sick and tired of having to feign a kitsch sense of social inadequacy to fit in with others and get anywhere near attractive women…..and there, yes, I said it. I don’t give a fucking shit if you think that’s shallow of me, you definitely have to have some attraction to a woman’s physicality, like it or not. It’s no good pretending you can ignore a girl who’s not shaved her armpits if she has the best personality in the world. Equally someone who looks great but is a total fucking dunce is appropriately worthless to me. Or put in blunt layman’s terms, it’s quite difficult to have a wank over a personality.
Why is this all so difficult? If procreation is meant to be enjoyable and crucial to mankind’s survival, why the fucking hell is it so hard?
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